Snob

 Dear Diary,

I was just reminded of how much of a snob I've become. I'm sure that when I was a kid, while I could be super bossy, I was not snobby. Compared to my middle and high school classmates, I'm fairly certain I was not a snob. However, they seemed like it because they were all super rich - my state's 1%. Next to them, I was pretty poor ... but it's only been in the last decade that I've realised how well-off I was growing up. It's been an even shorter time that I've realised that I actually look down on a lot of people. When did that even happen?

Just now, I was looking at a job in Busan - a university job, which is what I want, but then I started thinking about all the good (and annoying expensive) food Seoul has to offer. I'm sure Busan has good food, but to me ... I have this view that Busan, Korea's second biggest city, and its suburbs don't compare to Seoul and its suburbs. I'm not even Korean, so why do I have this view? Why do I think my biological half-sister, Sujin Kim; my nieces and nephew, Eunseo, Gyeongmin and Minseol (or Minseo? I haven't met her, so I'm not sure); and my only (that I know of) maternal cousin, Miseong, live as country bumpkins when Busan is a thriving city?

I'm not sure what happened, but clearly something did. This isn't even my country, yet I have the old-fashioned (like early 1990s) thought that anything outside of Seoul is just countryside. Even before this drama, I'm pretty sure I felt that way since I lived in Suwon back in 2010.

But who knows? I don't. I just know that I wasn't like this before.

*~Lili~*

Change

 Dear Diary ...

As always, I start a blog and, after a few days, stop. ^^

It's not that I get bored, but ... I've forgotten what a routine is. As a grad student, there really isn't much of a routine. Now, as I search for a job after graduating at the wrong time in life, my days are filled with chaos. Not bad things, but ... just ... not a routine at all, except wake up and play games. Which games, though, vary as does the amount of time I spend playing. So ... yeah ... I need to work on having a routine, but with nothing to look forward to in life, it's hard.

I mean ... even if I hate working, I look forward to a paycheck, but as an unemployed bum ... yeah ... I don't have a reason to get up in the morning. I don't have a reason to keep up with self-care as much as I would when working (I mean, I still take a shower, brush my teeth, wash my face, etc., but I might not be so great with clothes).

Sigh. And it's humid as f***. It's basically midnight, and it's 81 outside (that's 27.2 for anyone who isn't American), but the RealFeel temp ... at midnight ... is 90 (32.2). I have a fan blowing directly on me and feel as sticky as a flytrap. Gross. Just an hour ago, it was 81 and felt like 92 (33.3), so at least the humidity is lessening ... but not at a rate that I appreciate.

Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 90 (32.2) with a RealFeel of 100 (37.8). Not looking forward to that.

Anyway, having heard recently that writing is good for destressing, so will try to write more. I can't really whine to people I know - somehow I don't feel comfortable whining cuz then I look like a baby ... or a whiny b**** ... or an overprivileged Asian who hasn't experienced hardships or something like that ... so, I'll whine here. The previous posts haven't been viewed ... ever ... so I think this is a safe place to whine.

Until next time (which is hopefully soonish) ...

*~Lili~*

Edit: Just kidding. Apparently, there have been 10 views since February. Not sure how many of those were me (you used to be able to tell Google not to count you ... but I can't find the option for that now). I'm pretty sure I'm 6 of those 10 though. XD