45 Days until Easter

Dear Diary,

My biological mother has some nerve. In July 2017, she told me some story about my biological father being a married man. I'm not sure that is true as the story she told (or supposedly told ... I heard a lot of adoption agencies made stuff up) me is quite different from the story in my file.

Anyway, after that, she didn't contact me. Since we originally didn't contact each other very much anyway, it took me eleven months to realise that I hadn't heard from her in a while. I contacted her in July, a year after our last contact, asking her how she's been. She read the message, but did not reply. After a few days, I realised that she wasn't going to get back to me.

With Coronavirus raging, I thought I should ask her if she's doing okay, implying that I was asking because of the virus. She responded pretty quickly, saying she was fine and asking where I was. When I didn't respond (or even read it technically - yay for previews), she messaged me again in the afternoon saying that she was waiting for me.

I can't believe it. I didn't hear from her for a year, so I tried to contact her. She hasn't messaged me for nearly 3 years and says SHE was waiting for ME? Insane.

I'm hoping that 23andMe does another sale soon so that I can buy a kit and get us tested. We've never had a DNA test, so we don't even technically know if she's my mom. I mean, I had her citizenship number in my file, so you'd think that was good enough evidence, but ... I want it confirmed. When I go and test her, I will ask her about my father again. I will ask for the whole story, including his name and age at the time of their relationship ... I heard hometown is important, too. She told me before if I went looking for him that she would cut off our relationship. Well, if our relationship is not talking for three years, that sounds pretty cut to me. After I try to get all that information from her, I will cut off our relationship cleanly.

She just makes me so angry now. I used to find her slightly uncomfortable because she's just some Korean ajumma to me. We couldn't really communicate verbally or culturally either. But now ... I'm really done with her. I didn't even want to meet her in the first place. I wasn't curious about her at all. God or Destiny or whatever you want to call it played a hand in that, making us meet. ASJDFLK.

*~Lili~*